To start on the best note I possibly can, I will let you all know that Sola is doing exceptional and Trooper is thriving. For those that have been following me on FB and contacting me personally (thank you!) you already know that Trooper is our lone survivor, very special, very strong and mighty little pup.
I have to make this short as I am exceptionally short on time but here goes....
We lost the last little female pup not days after she arrived. The tragedy continued as I tucked her in with her other 8 brothers and sisters. Our last little male pup I have been supplementing every 3 hrs. around the clock since he showed up. I will continue. With the help of many of you, it was decided that his name was to be Trooper. Trooper is now thriving, getting around on his own, latching and nursing and motivating Sola's milk not to give up. Sola is obsessed with him. She's such an incredible mom. She loves what she does and is so amazing with each and every pup she cares for. IF I get to breed her again, I will be honored to go through another litter by her side. I am hoping for the best as I collect answers as she really does deserve a come back.
This week was filled with non stop hours of phone calls around the country to genetic specialists, Reproduction vets and many experienced Breeders. I will continue to search for answers everyday that passes. I have crossed off so many 'maybes' so many 'If's' so many question marks, leading right back to the unfortunate answer of this whole tragic event may have been just a freak fluke of nature, a bad hand drawn, a terrible wrench thrown in the mix. I did everything, I crossed my T's and dotted my I's....twice. Both dogs were clear of everything and anything I could test them for. Their history was healthy and strong. Nothing gave me any reason to believe that these 10 pups shouldn't be in waiting arms of loved ones by the end of this.
My heart goes out to each and every family who was eagerly awaiting their 'Leo' their 'Cloud' or whatever name was destined for their new fur baby. I have yet to fully grieve the loss of this litter as I am immersed in everything else. I am incredibly sorry to each and every one of you for the outcome even though I know I couldn't have done anything more. My heart still hurts for the everyone and everything that could have been.
As I send out yet more emails searching for answers I have to do more, more to make this right. More to make this better for future litters, future pups, future families, the future for my program here. I start with what I can, could it have been environmental? What if? Many say the cross over could not have had this affect on a litter. My mind spins thinking of what the cause of this was so much that I start with what I do best,.. put myself to work. I take out each and every last wood chip out of my dog yards and dispose of them. Yes the same ones I just brought in recently. Rototill and even out every last inch of the yard. My husband and I work every second of our day re-vamping these yards on a simple, What if. It's all we can do. I feed Trooper, I pat Sola, I run Isla and Leia and then work on the yards. We lay grating over the soil and 15 tons of sand gets delivered tomorrow. Sand is cleaner, less wiggle room for 'what if's'. The neighbors tractor will make quick work of spreading it out. My heart is heavy as I work (the smoke doesn't help) but it helps my mind stay focused. I've wanted to throw in the towel so many times this week but all of your encouragement has kept me moving forward. Sweet kind words of encouragement. I have to keep making smiles, making hopes and dreams come true.
As this yard work takes place I can hear Trooper in the background getting stronger as he calls out for Sola. He snuggles up to his 2 big 'brothers and sisters' aka Snuggle Puppies.
I will move forward. There will be better days. At this point there is barely light at the end of this tunnel but I see it.
I don't know if I'll ever get a solid answer on the 'why' but this is what I am suppose to be doing so I send out my condolences, try my best not to crash, fix what I can even though everyone tells me I'm fixing in the wrong place and keep trudging forward.
Trooper is calling.... I have to run....for now all my best. Keep sending everything you've got, it's taking affect!
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