
I sit and I ponder and wonder where to start. For the start that was supposed to be your start never.. well started for you. My mind flips in circles this week to figure out how to turn this end into the start for this end has to become the start for so many things moving forward. This whole start end game runs mind trips around in my head until I feel insane. I stop. I stop so there is no end to this beautiful program I have created. I stop because more beginnings have to start.. they have to begin. I have to end this dismal feeling of grief.
So I turn a corner. I look ahead. I find a path that makes the most sense and I put one foot in front of the other one day at a time.
Answers trickle in, ideas pop up, guesses are picked apart, thoughts are batted around and changes are put in place. Isn't that how life works though? There's not always an answer. There's not always a solid reason clearly in front of you, so you do the best you can. Because I've come to realize that terrible events can happen to the best of us. Despite everything you've planned out in front of you. Plans change because life ebbs and flows. Energy shifts and unfortunately sometimes lives are lost. Humans, dogs or both. It happens to us all at some point in life because life is cruel.. at times. So if not to me, then to whom? To whom should unfortunately have to become of something like this? I wouldn't wish this recent event on anyone. So it's me and so many families on board here unfortunately.
I once again find the energy of my passion and use it to brighten my day and to find even a sliver of light for others. I take the original plan and what it has crumbled into and I spread it out. I flatten the creases and find the pockets where there are no fractures. Because there are always pockets, you just have to look for them. I find pockets for a few of my families that were waiting for these pups and their future is a bit brighter. I flatten the creases for a few more and their hope is a little less dismal. My heart is mending as I find these pockets, these rays of hope. I am gifted extraordinary strength from others around me that have taken the time to give back to me. I am speechless at the kind hearted support that has poured in. I will be forever grateful.
Bits of my story piece together, I shift, my litter lists shift, I will continue.
Sola is gaining acceptance this week that she was really truly only given one pup, but one extraordinary pup. His forever family is going to be very lucky. She does her best to wrap her body around this lone babe. I do my best to keep Trooper cozy despite him not having a normal pile of buddies to snuggle with. He curls up on his heating mat post nurse as I take his stand in brother and sister (snuggle puppies) and hold them tightly on either side of him with their heart beats working their magic until he dozes off. He is content. I lay in the whelping box with them 100% tired 100% happy. I do what what I need to do.
Trooper cleared another milestone as we got a great report from my vet on Fri. His heart is strong, his body is growing consistently, he sounds clear and looks perfect despite his small size. I stopped supplementing him completely just 2 days ago as it was obvious that Sola's milk supply was keeping up just enough and his strength was high enough to stay latched on by himself.
His increasing strength also gave me the confidence to let him fly solo for the nights. I slept inside my own house for the first time in nearly 2 wks! And Trooper did great.
His eyes started to open yesterday just a touch, another milestone crossed!
Sola continues to heal and will be back to her healthy hoppy self in no time flat.
As my pages and pages fill with contacts of Vets and Breeders from all over, so far I've been given the go ahead to give her a comeback. She deserves a comeback. She adores what she does. I will continue to improve what I do and yes, make some changes next time round to increase the odds of a successful outcome. There is nothing to make anyone I’ve talked to believe that this will happen again.
If my ongoing talks with Meiko ever sink in and take effect, we will have new life and new pups here before you can blink. Soon after that I will sit on the edge of my chair in nervous anticipation of Sola’s next arrivals. There will be a brighter future.
My dog yard project continues full tilt. Sola tore off this morning in full blown Zoomie style testing out the race speed of the new sand in her yard. A slight smile crept across my face. The play style will change I think for the better and the cleanliness will shoot up past successful. This 1 other picture shows a gift that was sent by Troopers past Brother 'Ollie' from Sola's 1st litter. Heat packs for Troopers puppies. So sweet! Thank you Ollie!
The other dogs continues to be crated throughout this whole process to keep the work space well.. workable, without a golden up into your space. I don’t give enough credit to crated dogs but now I will put more emphasis on it. They have LOVED this process. They get taken out 1 by 1 and given time individually. Training throughout the day is highly beneficial a few mins. Here and there. I continue in this way because I must, I do this kind of process because I can’t do it any other way. It gives back in more ways than I imagined though.
So this is my story…a piece of it at least, on what’s dimmed my light, what’s brought me down but more importantly what’s pulled me through and lifted me back up.
Thank you to who has sent their love, sent their support, been understanding and patient. I appreciate you all more than you know.
I send love from Sola, sweet baby kisses from Trooper, Giant sweet loving licks from Meiko and playful goofy fur flying love from Isla and Leia.
I will continue forward and I hope many of you will come along for the journey, for if not for the journey what else?